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{The Martyr}

therapy hacks

The Martyr is a defense mechanism that relies on putting other people's needs ahead of the self. This activity generally includes lots of tears, guilt, and shame that are used to manipulate outcomes. If you feel like you do all the work, or people can't make it without you, chances are you are in martyr mode and in danger of complete overwhelm. So knock it off! STOP taking responsibility for other people's feelings, you aren't doing anyone any favors. START learning to tolerate other's difficult experiences and offer empathy without solutions. STOP baiting others to take responsibility for your feelings because you are too scared of their reactions to advocate for yourself. START naming your own feelings and needs, then plan an action to meet those needs. EXAMPLE: "I am sorry you are tired. I also have a feeling: I feel overwhelmed because there is so much to do! If I do X, will you do Y? Then we can watch a movie together and relax." You will have more to give if you get down off your cross. You are welcome.

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